Sometimes I go through certain things and… I amaze myself.
I actually feel proud of myself.

Not every time— and usually not in the moment —but if I’m being honest, there’s a lot of shit I handle.
And most of the time?
I handle it really damn well.

If you asked the people closest to me, though— like my family —they’d probably think I’m insane because ohhhh man, do I fall apart sometimes.

And “falling apart” can look like a lot of things:

• Tears (sometimes a LOT of them)

• Sharp tone (yes, I yell sometimes)

• Stress

• Being on edge

• Agitation

• Quick-tempered

• Unhinged

• Impatient

• Avoidant — which, honestly, is a gift I’m giving others if they’d just take the hint and leave me alone.
  
  

Sometimes I retreat to my room or my bed. Sometimes I’ll sleep for days.
But “sleep for days” still means tending to everything that needs to be done.

Think of it like this:
If I only have 15% to give today, and I give 15%… that’s 100%.

A year and a half ago, I fell apart way more than I do now. Some people might debate that, but they know I’m right—they’re just uncomfortable when I finally hit a breaking point. And maybe, just maybe, they feel a little guilty for contributing to it.
And if the shoe fits? Well… wear it.

A year and a half ago I still handled the important things, but I was more passive because I didn’t want to be a “problem.”

And also… the grief after losing my mom was still fresh.
She helped me navigate almost everything.

After she died, it was like:
“Well… who else is going to do it now?”
Oh. Shit.
I guess that’s gotta be me.

Two things pushed me into the version of myself I am today —the one who operates at executive-functioning-on-hard-mode:

1. My mom died.

2. I finally got diagnosed and treated for ADHD—after who knows how many years of surviving without realizing what was wrong.

And here’s the funny thing:
Executive functioning is supposed to be the Achilles heel of ADHD brains, right?Right.

But there’s a BIG difference between executive functioning…and Executive Functioning on HARD MODE.

EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING (the visible kind)

This is the part people can see.

It’s the messy house, the overflowing laundry room, the kitchen island that becomes a catch-all, the mail pile that grows its own personality, etc., etc.

This is the daily stuff I struggle with—deeply—and you can see it.

EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING ON HARD MODE (the invisible kind)

This is the part people don’t see. The part that keeps everyone alive.
The part no one acknowledges enough.

This is Crisis Mode Brittany, and she is a force. Do NOT try her.

She wears a thousand hats:

• Operation commander

• Data synthesizer

• Medical detective & symptom tracker

• Logistics professional

• Insurance negotiator

• Advocate

• Decision maker (big ones AND “what’s for dinner”)

• Project manager

• Emotional shock absorber

It’s a LOT.
But I can’t help it.

The second anything actually matters?
My brain: “STEP ASIDE EVERYONE, I GOT THIS.”
And I do.
Every. Single. Time.

Even when I’m not okay.

It’s why my house doesn’t burn down and the people in it are taken care of— sometimes better than I take care of myself. (I’m working on that.)

Meanwhile… the simple stuff destroys me.

Like:

• Spilling a drink? Immediate rage.

• Paper towels are out? Chest tightens.

• Can’t find my keys, my phone, my wallet for 5 seconds? The world is ending.

• Kids leave 15 unwashed cups and 6 dirty spoons in their bedrooms… or anywhere else in the house? “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!”

• The mail pile prevents me from using the counter? I cannot do this today.
  
  

The gap between my “I can solve a medical mystery in 20 minutes” brain and my “I’m crying because this jar lid is too tight and I can’t get it open” brain is HYSTERICAL and painfully consistent.
Apparently this is normal for ADHD brains (my brain).

They prioritize importance and immediacy, not effort.

If it involves:

• My child

• A crisis

• Health

• Research

• Advocacy

• Survival

• Problem-solving

• Being the ONE person who knows how to fix the mess

I’m in. FULL hyper-focus competence mode.
Executive-Functioning-on-Hard-Mode ACTIVATED.

But if it’s:

• Boring

• Repetitive

• “Simple”

• Bureaucratic

• Tedious

• Stupid

• Not urgent

My brain: “I will simply DIE before doing this task.”
…And then a jar lid sends me into sobs because my nervous system finally has a safe moment to crack.

My crisis functioning IS my superpower.

It’s why the heavy shit always —ALWAYS— ends up on my shoulders.
And why I actually can handle it, even when I’m drowning.

But afterward?
I’m so depleted that a chip bag ripping down the middle feels like a personal attack from the universe.

Sometimes I’m running at 300% capacity with 30% battery.
Sometimes I’m running at 30% capacity with 30% battery—and honestly, that is still my all.

Sometimes I think:
Surely people would collapse under what I handle casually.
And then one day the only pen I can find is out of ink and I’m throwing it across the room and screaming (true story).

But here’s what I’m learning:

I don’t break because I’m weak.

I break because I’m tired in ways I don’t always realize.
Because I’m carrying weight from everyone else on top of my own.

And still:
I solve it.
I sort it.
I research it.
I protect the shit out of my kids.
I handle things people don’t even know exist.
My brain shines when it REALLY counts.

And I cry over spilled drinks and empty paper towel rolls.

I think that’s fair.
Don’t you?

🗣️Talk To Me

Before ever getting treatment for ADHD I couldn’t really handle either form of executive functioning. I was undiagnosed until I was 35 years old and didn’t start medication for about two years after.
Turns out all I needed was a little dopamine.

If you didn’t get a diagnosis until adulthood, let’s talk about it.
What ways did your life change for you?

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Disclaimer: Screenshots used strictly for clarity —no dogpiling, just education. Identities hidden because we’re informing here, not sending a mob to someone’s DMs.

Here’s the reality:

I’ve attempted these little systems.
The reminders. The cue cards. The lists.
Sometimes they do work…but only for a short while.

Then it’s the system—the reminders, the cue cards, the lists—that becomes overwhelming. And then it doesn’t work.

Here’s exactly how that plays out:

THE CYCLE: Real ADHD Edition

You have the intention to create these helpful little lists…→ You buy the supplies… → and then:

1. You actually make the lists.
You spend hours making them. They’re aesthetic. They’re color-coded. They’re perfect.
Then:

• If you put them where they belong → you hyperfocus on doing them perfectly, burn out, and then pretend they don’t exist.
  → You feel like a failure.

• If you don’t put them where they belong → you avoid them because now they’re overwhelming.
  → You feel like a failure.
  
  

2. You have intentions of making the lists and go to the store.
You buy the supplies but…the supplies never leave the Target bag.
The bag remains on the catch-all that is the kitchen table, rotating between there and the kitchen counter when it gets in the way.
(Or if you put it “away” it stays stuffed in the closet.)
Then:

• You swear you’ll come back to it→You don’t.
  → Failure.

3. You have intentions of making the lists and online shop.
The thought of physically going to the store? Absolutely not. You tell yourself you’ll order the supplies online.
Then:

• You fill your Amazon cart with organizational dreams→ you never hit “order.”
  → Failure.

THIS is what it’s like to “maybe have ADHD.”
This is what it’s like to actually HAVE ADHD.

I’m not claiming expertise in who has ADHD and who doesn’t. I’m speaking as someone who was misdiagnosed as a kid . Undiagnosed until 35. Untreated until 37.

So let me be clear:

Medication Helps — But It Does NOT Teach Executive Function

Even when you’ve been diagnosed—even when you begin treatment with medication— ADHD is not “fixed.” Especially if you weren’t diagnosed until adulthood.

Executive functioning skills don’t magically come with taking medication. Chances are if you’re an adult finally being diagnosed with ADHD, you’ve lived your entire life with these under-developed skills.
Medication doesn’t install the skills you never fully developed.

What medication does do is treat symptoms.
But the symptoms aren’t “lack of executive functioning.”
That’s the neurological development that didn’t develop. Symptoms are just how the lack of development shows up.

And here’s the wild part:
Medication treats symptoms the same way for everyone, but symptoms look different for everyone.

(I’ll be writing more about this soon—especially about the differences between kids diagnosed early and adults diagnosed late. Subscribe if that’s your lane.)

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My Most Debilitating Symptoms — and What Medication Actually Helped

Here’s my lived reality and what my ADHD symptoms were:

• Emotional dysregulation— Not “mood swings.” I mean falling apart, spiraling, stuck in a low you can’t climb out of.

• Depression— it looks (and feels) untreatable… because ADHD is sitting underneath it.

• Difficulty focusing— Mind wandering. Not in a cute little “daydreaming” way. I’m talking about overthinking. Racing thoughts. Mental tabs open on every page.

• Task initiation + completion issues— Think needing to clean your house and not even knowing where to begin. Then finally starting but it turns into chaos because you jump between tasks and create a bigger disaster than you started with.

• Disorganization—Not “messy.” A brain that cannot categorize or sort. The very thing that causes your house to be an overwhelming wreck in the first place.

• Low self-esteem—Because you know what you should be able to do and can’t — and the crushing guilt that comes with that.

• Perfectionism + overcompensating—This is trying to make up for where you “lack” by doing MORE. Giving MORE. Pushing MORE.
  
  

THOSE symptoms are treatable.
Medication finally helped. Thank god.
Because once those ease—THEN you have the space to learn executive functioning. And learning it takes time.
LOTS of it.

When I started medication, the first thing to go wasn’t distraction—it was cognitive distortion. The fog lifted and clarity showed up as the first sign of successful treatment.

I even questioned my ADHD diagnosis because I wasn’t suddenly “executive functioning” like a Pinterest mom. Only later did I learn that clarity comes before capability and regulation comes before structure.

So Here’s My Point

Stop downsizing what ADHD actually is and stop upsizing what it isn’t.
Don’t create content that says:
“I think I have undiagnosed ADHD, and here’s how I manage it!” —when what you’re describing is ordinary forgetfulness with a productivity hack.

Because people with actual ADHD — diagnosed or undiagnosed — watch that and feel like: “Oh. I should be able to do that too.”
And they can’t.
And they spiral.
And they feel broken.
And they feel ashamed.

Maybe get tested. Maybe get an actual diagnosis.

(And yes — I know misdiagnosis exists. That’s its own conversation for another day.)

🗣️Talk To Me

If you’re a woman who spent YEARS thinking you were “too much,” “not enough,” or “just disorganized,” you are exactly who I wrote this for.
Comment or message me anytime. 🫶🏻

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